Why Women Can End Up Feeling Worse Than Before
When Success Feels out of Reach: The Emotional Toll of Failing
Anyone who’s ever taken a risk …. and “risk” is relative; for one person it could be standing up in front of a room of people (whether it’s 3 or a thousand), giving a presentation, speaking up, going out on a date …. and that “risk” hasn’t worked out well, they know very well what it feels like to fail.
And while we know that “failure” is just an opportunity to learn (we’ve all heard the clever acronyms)
For many, that failure can be crippling that no amount of positive self-talk and “rah-rah you can do it” mantras will change
Instead, what can happen is we get really good at justifying why we don’t really want that thing that we said we want, that we’re happy with our life and really, if you think about it, there are so many other people who have it worse than we do and we should be grateful and content with what we have.
It sounds good, but if we’re honest with ourselves, it doesn't feel good to essentially give up on our hopes and dreams, to give up on happiness, striving, and just “settle”.
Whenever we experience an event that causes us to have an emotional response, it burns a connection in our brains
And each time we relive that event (whether we’re telling someone else or going over it again and again in our heads), it causes us to feel the emotion again, which makes that connection stronger.
This is why women can remember events so well - we’re emotional beings; it’s in our design and one of the beautiful things about us … imagine a life with no emotion - how “blah” 😒 that would be!
It’s also why we can “forgive but not forget” .... And it’s why we give up before we really get going
What does this have to do with your clients?
All the failures of the past, the humiliation, the guilt, the shame from when they’ve tried before … and it doesn’t matter the context ...
Our brains are like a ball of wire and everything is connected to everything
If a woman was rejected in a relationship, that fear of rejection will also show up in other aspects of her life … it can stop her from meeting new people, stop her speaking up at work, presenting new ideas, even throwing herself a birthday party (because what if no one shows up ...)
The majority of women can’t “just let it go”
And if you’ve been in business for a little while working with women, you’ll know this to be true based on the actions and inactions of your clients.
Even the ones who can push through and “feel the fear and do it anyway” know how exhausting that can be over time.
When your clients come to you because they want to change their life, they think it’s the “how-to action-steps” that they need help with, which to a degree they do ...
But the real issue that stops them taking those steps even when they’re laid out in a very clear plan, is all the internal negative head chatter ...
The memories that are inevitably dredged up by the unconscious mind (that’s just trying to keep them from feeling all that pain again) ...
Reminding them of why they shouldn’t “do” that thing they’re trying to do, and the very real fear that they feel ...
You need to resolve the internal stuff first … properly, not temporarily
otherwise she will fail again but now there’s another thing to add to her list of failures. Instead of changing her life for the better, it’s gotten worse because she’s trying to put the horse before the cart.
But because you know this and understand this, you’ll be able to give her what she NEEDS so she can then have what she wants 🙂
Interested in becoming accredited in the same process I use to help my female clients get out of their own way, once and for all?
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